How to survive travel, study abroad and other situations when you face a long separation.
What is the complexity of such a relationship
Problems, in fact, can be a lot. Here are the main ones.
Partners not enough attention
Care and support the person in a difficult situation easier when he’s around. You see her every day, having dinner at the same table and discuss how the day went. You have a joint life, you are physically together and you can hug or kiss a loved one. Distance also deprives these pleasures and creates a certain gap.
The main problem is the mutual distance, the feeling that everyone lives in itself.
Ilya Shabrin, counselor, author of the popular psychological subject, leading expert of the Psychological centre on Volhonka.
This is becoming a common cause of resentment, quarrels and jealousy on the part of one or both participants in the relationship.
Sexual needs remain unsatisfied
We all have different sexual Constitution. But in a pair one way or another appears stability: often or rarely, but sex is. When he abruptly disappears, you can begin the problem. Need remain, the opportunity to meet her — gone. Because of this, there may be fights and fits of jealousy, which, again, will cause new scandals.
Prevents the pressure of external circumstances
Friends or girlfriends are planning a joint leisure time with loved ones, spend holidays together, go to movies and share with you all a romantic news. Depressed then no wonder.
Not surprisingly, according to statistics Long Distance Relationship Statistics 2018 nearly half of all long-distance relationship ends in Heartbreak. But do not worry ahead of time — a chance to succeed in many still there.
How to keep a long-distance relationship
To protect each other
It is very important to be careful in communicating with your partner. Every biting word or a dismissive tone can hurt, but to come, to apologize and to hug a loved one immediately you will not succeed. One should not provoke the companion jealousy, and cause unnecessary speculation about what in reality is not.
Different cities, countries, time zones contribute to the fact that resentment undermines the relationship, and mistrust grows.
Olga Poluektova, psychologist, Gestalt therapist, instructor and owner of yoga Studio.
The farther you are from each other, the harder it is to resolve a conflict situation. That is why you have to avoid.
To support proximity
You need to compensate for live communication: to communicate, to correspond. Should as often as possible with a partner to share news, experiences and emotions.
The main task — to keep the feeling of intimacy, community and trust.
This does not mean that you are obliged daily to provide a minute-by-minute account of his actions, but also to get rid of a dry “okay” not worth it. The person on the other end of the wire has to feel an important part of your life.
To respect the feelings of your partner
One may be easier to endure separation than the other. And at some point some of you live in long distance relationships can become unbearably difficult. It is important to understand and accept it. If you, unlike a partner, have not had time to get bored, no need to say, “well, it’s only been a week.” Don’t devalue other people’s feelings — instead, be understanding.
The phrase “I told you so” or “I can’t go back early enough to raise the issue” will make it worse. You need to look for solutions and as often as possible to show you care about the feelings of the other and you so much want to see a loved one.
To add to the communication of real emotions
The tone of the message can be interpreted wrong, and a smiley face with a heart hardly conveys how much you love the person. Therefore, to avoid confusion and to add some life to your communication, combine correspondence, phone calls and conversations on video.
Live the emotions of the partner, eye contact eliminate discrepancies.
This is especially true of conflict resolution and discussion of problems — don’t do this in messenger, use video.
It will be easier to adapt to the separation, when the exact time of the next “meeting” — a video call — it is known in advance. Choose a convenient period of day when neither you nor partner is not busy to to talk slowly, no longer distracted by anything. In everyday life, for example, dedicate an hour after work, or weekend at any appropriate time that will be convenient for each of you. Difficulties can arise if there is a significant difference in the time zones, but even in this case, all feasible.
Spend the holidays together
In these days of longing loneliness can be as strong as ever. If you get the chance to meet, use it on special occasions.
Try to spend “dangerous” periods together. This is a different family celebrations, anniversaries, Valentine’s Day and so on.
Even if you are sure that it is resistant to such things, mass pressure, images of happy families everywhere, and the stories of friends about joint plans can play a cruel joke, says psychologist.
Invent your own rituals
This can be the words that you put a hidden meaning, understandable only to the two of you, letters or postcards sent from a new site, or even phone sex. You can, for example, agree to share photos immediately after waking up or before going to bed, not to forget how nice it is to Wake up and fall asleep together. Or share quotes from favorite novels and books that describe your feelings and emotions. Fantasize together and find something that fits your couple.
Not to shift responsibility to another
So happens: you have to live separately. And no need to blame anyone, because you both agreed on it. Therefore reproached “We live because of you” should not be allowed.
Such swings are exhausting and deprive a couple of energy. And the fire in the distance to maintain and so easy.
So be prepared for difficulties and accept responsibility for your joint decision.
It is important for any relationship. The requirement of proof of loyalty, checking social networks and accounting of likes from strangers indicate a lack of confidence. You need to learn how to cope with the surging emotions and to understand that speculation may have nothing to do with reality. And also to realize that your current experience (if not obsess) will be held tomorrow.
To discuss the issue of sex
Some couples come to an agreement and allow a short connection on the side. Other in advance to discuss what they want to know nothing about cheating, if they do not affect the quality of the relationship. Third cheating is taboo. And it is important to discuss the topic of sex come to a common denominator before you agree to remote relations.
However, to control partner you can’t (see previous paragraph), so you’ll have to rely on each of you equally cherishes the Union.
Sensibly assess the situation
Did you know that the partner went to the movies or having dinner with others or another. You touched it, you are jealous and worried. It happens, and your task is to know the reason and openly discuss the situation.
Sometimes dinner is an attempt to get the attention of social “strokes”, to feel important and attractive, to escape from loneliness.
Perhaps your relationship is not in danger. Or Vice versa — partner fell in love, and it is plagued by doubts. You better deal with this immediately and evaluate whether it is possible to save the Union, or futile attempts will only aggravate the relationship, and it’s time to stop.
What kind of relationship hardly stand the test of separation
Relationship without trust
Partners strive for complete control over each other jealous and stop communicating your true love with the opposite sex or even with friends. Long-distance relationships in this case can turn into a daily examination. And instead of joy and pleasure from the calls of the partner will occur only one desire — not to take up.
Immature relationships built on codependency
For those who seek to occupy all space in a life partner, a long-distance relationship will not work. You do not spend the day separately, Hobbies, and friends you have in common, the trips to visit are not together is not allowed — otherwise it can not be! And even if someone does not like something, do it anyway. One thought on separate holidays, or a walk with friends without you horrifies.
What is maturity? Respect “separately” from another: the presence of each personal space, personal time, Hobbies, circle of friends.
In a Mature relationship, the partners can spend time together or separately. And this does not prevent them to be happy, and only strengthens the Union. If maturity is, the argument will begin with the discussion of the possibility of long-distance relationships, because for one it is unacceptable in principle. “How can you leave without me!” — not the fact that even the arguments in favor of higher wages will be able to kill this phrase.
A short relationship
If among the partners is still insufficiently strong communication, clear plans for the future together no, and the separation is planned long is likely to maintain this relationship will fail. You are so familiar with each other, went hand in hand through times of crisis and still are in honeymoon phase. But love at a distance — an ordeal even for couples that live together over the years.
Any relationship — work. And the distance adds a lot of new difficulties. But if you really value your Union, even a temporary separation will not be able to destroy it.
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