How not to suffer from loneliness

Как не страдать от одиночества

Accept your feelings and don’t blame them for neither himself nor others.

Stop embarrassing loneliness

To be silent about your feelings is dangerous

It so happened that loneliness is perceived by society as something shameful. And many are afraid of what they say about other: call them unlikable, a loser, or weird. Therefore, they prefer not to talk about feeling useless and detached from society.

Sometimes lonely people are experiencing difficulties due to the fact that they consider themselves some kind of wrong or unworthy of communication. After all, “if you have no friends, then most likely something is wrong.” Therefore, they prefer no one to share his real “I”.

This uncertainty impedes the establishment of relationships with others. However, if nobody knows what you really are, most likely, you will have to stay alone.

The inability to speak openly about his loneliness only exacerbates the problem. If you judge yourself for your own sense, it becomes even harder to make any steps to change the situation. Because everything else you start to judge myself for not taking any action to solve the main problem.

Loneliness is not always correctly determined by us

In fact, this feeling does not depend on how many friends you have. It does not mean the absence of the second half or friends with whom you can spend the weekend. It is an internal feeling. Someone can just rarely chat with others, and someone constantly surrounded by people, but feels the same way.

Hundreds and thousands of “friends” in social networks is not the same as the person with whom nice to watch a movie or drink a Cup of coffee. You can experience a deep sense of loneliness, being in the company of friends, with a loved one or old friend, knowing that you do not feel absolutely no connection with these people.

It should be remembered that loneliness is not solitude when you want to be alone with yourself and get pleasure from it.

To be lonely means to feel meaningful connections with other people and the outside world.

Psychologist John Cacioppo and popularizer of science William Patrick in their study, Loneliness: Human nature and the need for social connection identified three factors that affect how a lonely person feels.

1. Vulnerability to lack of communication. Everyone has a genetically determined need for social integration, so your level of required socialization will be different from anyone else. That is, the greater the need to communicate what you experience, the harder it is to satisfy and a higher risk of starting to feel lonely.

2. The ability to manage emotions. And not only externally but also internally. Anyone suffering when it need to communicate not satisfied. And if loneliness goes on too long, it can turn into a real depression.

How well you manage to cope with their feelings, affect the emotional state. Constantly being in a depressed mood you can start to misinterpret the intentions of others. Starting to feel like they are trying to avoid communicating with you, although in reality it is not always the case.

You need to learn to make their own sense of loneliness without judging for him or herself or others. And constantly look for way to deal with it.

3. The expectations of others. If you feel useless, it does not mean that you have no ability to communicate. Although, of course, in this case, both the desire and the ability to use them will be small.

Often lonely and feel like they are doing everything possible to make friends and to feel a connection with someone. Just no one is responding to them.

In the end this self-deception makes it worse — begins to show dissatisfaction. People suffering from loneliness, become prone to accusations and negative reaction to criticism. Their feelings are expressed in resentment and anger. And this often becomes the reason that they no longer communicate.

Some single people appear social fears. They see the danger in others, begin to fear criticism and disapproval. Their body language betrays uncertainty and suffering that they experience, and the expression seems to others to be repulsive. While in fact they may crave communication, but to ignore the fact that their body transmits to the contrary.

All of us sometimes feel lonely

Often people think their situation is special, and the feelings they are experiencing are abnormal. But all ever have to experience loneliness: normal transfer, graduation or other life changes.

Poor people often focus not on those people who are in a similar situation with him, and those who at the moment she is not suffering. A temporary feeling of loneliness can be called a part of our lives. All because people — social creatures. Most of us value love, closeness, and social connections are higher than, for example, wealth and fame.

Loneliness can be useful

A study of the neural bases of social pain: Evidence for shared representations with physical pain , conducted with functional magnetic resonance imaging (MRI), have shown that when you suffer from a lack of communication, it activates the same area of the brain responsible for emotional signals perceived them in physical pain.

Just as physical pain protects people from dangers, loneliness is a social pain — protects from the risk to be separated from society. She tells me that it’s time to change your behavior or start to pay more attention to relationships with important people.

If this pain exists for a long time, it can become chronic. And easy communication here will not help.

Don’t judge yourself

1. Stop condemning your feelings. This is important. Blame and berate yourself for them is inefficient and wrong. To feel lonely, not having a serious and meaningful relationship — this is normal.

2. Realize that your problem is not exceptional. Today’s mobile society is in constant motion, and this complicates the establishment and maintenance of relationships. The very acceptance that loneliness is a part of the human condition, help you to find the energy to overcome it.

3. Remember that alone do not always blame your communication skills. Even if you are perfectly able to communicate, at times can be unbearable the idea is to get out to meet people. Loneliness leads to depression and desire to isolate.

4. Analyze your childhood. The loneliness that we have experienced at school or kindergarten is closely related to what we experience in adult life, and how to relate to this.

We can feel unnecessary due to the fact that he received little love in his childhood. Sometimes the problem is exacerbated by discrimination and negative from other people because of any physical or psychological characteristics.

Loneliness often begins with fight for friends at school, ridicule, that was just not someone to talk at lunch or play on the Playground. Even differences in the interests — for example, everyone liked video games, and you football also lead to separation from the group. Maybe as a child you had only one best friend who left, or you had an argument with him.

Of the only true way to quick to get rid of loneliness no. But these General rules work. And the main thing is to accept yourself and your feelings.

See also

  • How loneliness affects the body
  • 13 tips on how to enjoy loneliness
  • How to love solitude if you are an extrovert

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