Children, they have been left alone to face the harassment and they tell.
They would have liked someone to respond, the rescues or the help earlier. In this national day to fight against bullying, they are particularly likely to have written to Midi Free to tell what they experienced and how they have coped or not. To say their refusal of this happening to others, to denounce the denial of adults, and claim that we both finally ! Here are their stories.
“How can we let our children endure such horrors ?” asks Eloise. This Héraultaise has been a victim for three years (2001 to 2003) of bullying at the college.
In what form ? “Ostracism, nicknames, humiliating, rumors (about my sexuality, for example), degradation of my business (disposed of in the toilet, smeared ink, etc.); but there were also a few physical attacks : you push me, made me fall, me plaquait against my office by the nape of the neck, etc, I remember a time where I had put a condom in her hair also, or a period where the great game was to leave me letters in my bag telling me how I was unattractive and a loser.”
“The worst thing was the canteen. It was always that I was careful not to find myself alone, otherwise it was terrible. We had systematically “pick me up”, we emptied the salt shakers in my plates, and other humiliations… The noon hour terrified me. Teenagers can become very creative when it comes to show himself cruel.”
College Alain-Savary, Saint-Mathieu-de-Tréviers, the students have decorated the hallways on the theme of harassment.
– D. R.
But the most serious was, perhaps, even elsewhere, in the behaviour of adults : “today, in retrospect, what shocks me the most is the denial, the complacency and sometimes even the participation of the faculty. The time I managed to call for help, where I sought the support of adults, I am met with contempt. I even said once that I was responsible for what was happening to me because I do “was no effort to integrate me”.
“I think it is more than time to train the faculty to have an adapted behavior in the face of this violence and support the victims. It is also very important to provide the material means to handle such situations. It goes in the fight against the budget cuts suffered by education national. Because it is not depriving the institutions of supervisors, nursing school, social workers and overloading the classes that we will manage to limit the violence. Too many people still think that the harassment helps the kids to “toughen up”. It is well know the consequences.”
Yes, victims can get out of it. But if my call for help had been heard earlier, I would not have lost several years of my life, between wanting to die and hating myself
Eloise described the “guilt and shame” that hinder, but also insists : “Yes, victims can get out of it. It was my case, and today, I am happy and surrounded, and if I testify, it is also to share a message of hope to current victims. But it has only been possible because I have been supported, understood and supported, and unfortunately it happened much later. Maybe if my call for help had been heard earlier, I would not have lost several years of my life, between wanting to die and hating myself.”
– D. R.
For Yves, the harassment dates back to 25 years ago. He has been the victim “during all my primary and up to third. I insulted her in the middle class, told me that at recess, it would be my birthday party, I was humiliated, typed. They me put it in a corner of the court without the supervisors to see and gave me the blow of knees in the belly until I cut off the breathing. They were stealing my car. I was going to see the mistress, she told them to stop because we are all equal. I thought it was finished, but their violence was multiple. They were even more numerous for me to type after that ! They said I was a balance. They made me lick the soles of shoes.”
My parents have even put in a service of child psychiatry to know if I was normal. I was just normal
“I was afraid to go back to school. Every morning, I said to myself : “They are going to do what now ?” My parents were powerless in the face of violence. The response of teachers ? “It is normal they are immature, we will do the maximum to ensure that this does not happen again”. But this is reproduced, again and again. “My parents have even put in a service of child psychiatry to know if I was normal. I was just normal. “
Worried for his own children
The school releases him. But not completely, Up to today, Yves is still scarred : “I am transformed into a person insensitive and non-empathetic I am suspicious of any person. This has not prevented me to get married and have children, but I have scars I don’t have confidence in myself and I formed a shell. I’m not natural. I have the impression of playing a game personality for people to accept me. I have a lot of trouble trusting. I am very afraid of the judgement of the people who surround me. As soon as I have a note, I lose all my ways.”
And Yves is worried about her own children : “I monitor if they change their behaviour. I fear as soon as there are school meetings, to find myself face to students, teachers and return to school. And the kicker… is that I am married to a teacher !”
“Etienne has been coughing for six months”
What are Marc and Helen, the parents of Stephen, 14 years ago today, that tell. The harassment started three years ago, at the entry into 6th their son in a college of the Hérault. The boy suffers from allergies, he is forced to eat and taste a little different. “It has always been a bit bullied because of that. His meal or his taste was consistently balanced in the trash. He was too nice, he was defending the girls, was to type in return”.
It went a step further. Etienne began to have stomach aches. And then he started to cough. “He coughed for six months. He could not go to class like that. He ended up in the hospital. The doctor said to us : “I don’t know what to do !” Examinations have been made. There was not nothing. Then Etienne has seen a doctor only. It is he who told us : “In fact, your son has nothing. It is at school that this is wrong. This is moral harassment”.
Marc and Helen have spoken with Etienne. “He stopped to cough. The discussion with the doctor has been a revelation for our son. He realized that there was nothing.”
They have decided who will leave school. End of courses in spring, resumption of classes in September, in another college. “We decided to cut it short. To find the solution ourselves. In his former establishment, they told us that they had noticed nothing. That all went well. That it is we who have been more focused. And also that our son is a little wild !”.
Hard to hear and destabilizing to Marc : “I am myself a teacher ! Has my son complained about one teacher responded that she had seen nothing, and that, therefore, she could do nothing. Me, teacher, if you told me that, even if I haven’t seen anything I’m still going to discuss it with the children ! The national Education hides behind rhetoric and call numbers. In reality, it doesn’t happen much. We need to stop putting the problems under the carpet. The violence is still there !”
Today, Etienne is better. But he had transformed, “much more wary”. Leaves to launch his truths to the adults : “Never one of you has helped me, so I’m trying to keep myself alone !”
Océane, finally, has suffered harassment at school “for more than 5 years, with the insults (you’re ugly, hang you, suicide you, you serve him for nothing, big bitch, waste of society, and so on) as well as shoving and hitting, every day, spit in the face. All of this has led me into depression and mutilation.
Then a teenager, his family came to settle in the Auvergne region. “School is made difficult. I’ve managed to find no friend. Of the girls that I had crossed and that I had insulted her during the summer have come back to see me. “You don’t have friends here ?”‘ and the insults have started cropping up, “Change of college you have nothing to do here”. I told myself that they were younger, I was in 3 rd and 5 th, so I told myself that it was going to end up sagging. But no.”
“The CPE has told my mother that if I did insult you, it was because of me, because I couldn’t fit in” His mother’s threat of prosecution. Then while rocking the day where Océane is seriously injured, to the output of a time-of all times : “They had caught up with me and started beating me, the nurse of the college intervened, but they returned to the charge a few minutes later and I was beaten again. I went home with a handful of hair in hand. My mother decided to take me to the hospital : sprained and internal injuries to the cervical, écchymoses at the corner of the lip, many bruises on his body and bumps behind the head.”
Palinte been filed. “She is still in the wild today. Nothing has stopped. So I made the decision to quit school. But they are not discouraged for as much. Each time that I crossed in the street, I was taking shots. I had to resubmit the complaint. They continued again and again. I thought to leave this crazy world several times. It happened to me to me to mutilate. With my mother, we decided to move.”
“After leaving the Auvergne, I’ve been able to meet the head. Now, I live in Montpellier, and when I go to Auvergne, all is quiet, I can finally walk without hiding.
Romance writing its evils
“I was 6-7 years old when the first words of violence for me were meant. It was nearly 15 years old and I have forgotten nothing.
I was a quiet child, dreamy and thoughtful. In this world of violence, I already felt different. I liked the other, and I loved to read, write, dance and dream. Most of all, I loved love. I protégeais the ants that were about to be crush, I was on the side of those who suffered, those who had no one to depend on.
I had a lot of girlfriends but very quickly, I’ve been rejected. Among them, a little girl has instilled each a day a little more, a air to reject me. I wore it in my heart and I hope that I was also a little worn in one of his own. I searched a long time to understand, without find, the reason of its violence and its torment. The reason why she wanted me to uproot. Why is circled at the entrance of the class, children, primary care for the witch to enter.
Shots without hitting
I tried to get out of my head all the names of the bird by which I was appointed. And if I am proud to have ever swam out to save me from drowning is imminent, on some evenings, there is nothing to prevent my heart from bleeding. I never received blows. Apart from the times when you threw me against a wall, I was never physically reached.
If I’ve never been hit, I’ve been constantly affected. By the entries in the tables of ping-pong of the college, by the looks of anger and pity, by glue poured in my locker. By my clothes trampled. For laughs, full-throated when in a room I entered. By the time the coin is that the face I was thrown. For all the birthday where I was avoided. For my family that we have referred to, approached to better reach me, and get away from it. By this person who was trying to hate me when I did my best to just forgive him. By these teens following the group rather than the oppressed. For all those people that have seen my tears without never nothing to denounce.
Build on faults
I’m built on faults, calls for help silent, countless sacrifices, years scorned and supplications to be accepted. I had to stop dancing to start breathing. I have experienced the nights of Sunday, the stomach knotted. The agony and muffled cries. Eyes downcast, I faced my life.
On my body, I bear the traces of a past not so past, the echo of all these days where it has reduced my sentences to the whims of the spoiled child. I removed both parts of my life, but what he could not take me, it is everything I liked. On my way out, I crossed paths with lost souls and beings vibrating for justice and for my peace. In my heart, I have in mind the hand still outstretched to my mother, the star vibrant, which to me has never left, the words of the man who knew me soothe as well as all those that I reach both literally and figuratively.
Message to parents
I write always in the dark, in notebooks sealed, just for me, for you don’t forget anything. Today, sure of what I believe in, I write for others. To say that the violence that are sometimes the words that, to never leave a sore.
With a special thought for you young parents, you have the power to learn of the beings that grow, that they are of the seeds sown in this world which one has responsibility. You parents that want your children to become good people, don’t ever limit their emotions, teach them to love : the lost, the different, the crippled, the misfits. Tell your little princes the phrase of the fox in St Exupery : “One sees well with the heart”.